You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
