Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
