please come you make the beer taste better
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
