somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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