I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
