I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
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