You smell like stripper and shame
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
