My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
