I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
