Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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