i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
