as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
