My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
