I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
