My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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