i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
