You just made me feel so damn special
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
