ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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