Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
