Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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