he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
