Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
