I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
ugly people sure do ruin things
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
