ADVERTISEMENT

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours

  Fav 3 813 2960

  share tweet
  

• (352): View more from Florida

  Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.

  Fav 178 4434 1236

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (518): View more from New York

  you're out of your mind

  (518): View more from New York

  you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear

  (518): View more from New York

  it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence

  Fav 11 1034 2498

  share tweet
  

• (541): View more from Oregon

  Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.

  Fav 19 4047 845

  share tweet
  

• (586): View more from Michigan

  at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....

  Fav 25 6684 1982

  share tweet
  

• (801): View more from Utah

  He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".

  Fav 12 2347 4187

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (914): View more from New York

  shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness

  Fav 32 2384 5081

  share tweet
  

• (503): View more from Oregon

  Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian

  Fav 30 7268 3266

  share tweet
  

• (404): View more from Georgia

  The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed

  Fav 10 3256 1065

  share tweet
  

• (802): View more from Vermont

  Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.

  Fav 2 963 678

  share tweet
  

• (206): View more from Washington

  I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible

  Fav 2 103 9

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?

  Fav 2 19 48

  share tweet
  

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".

  Fav 0 65 11

  share tweet
  

• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?

  Fav 2 16 36

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (404): View more from Georgia

  We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love

  Fav 0 38 7

  share tweet
  

Randomize