i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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