Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
