conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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