What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
