i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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