Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
