Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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