and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
