I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
