Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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