It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
