We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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