What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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