if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
