I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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