good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
