Jerry, you need to find god
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
