The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
