did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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