why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
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