just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
