I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
