is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
