So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I will be naked everywhere
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
