hell yes lets make some ravioli
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
