i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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