His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
