rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
