In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I look better un-naked...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
