Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
